Years ago, LEADERSHIP Magazine published a cartoon which depicted a grumpy looking pastor asking a colleague, “Ever have one of those days when you just HAVE TO rebuke someone?”
Many pastors experience “one of those days” just after they’ve announced their resignation. They feel like they have to rebuke their church’s board, staff or maybe even the whole congregation. A dramatic final sermon or sermon series begins to take shape in their minds. That’s what I’m calling, the last temptation of Pastor Last (the last pastor).
Here are ten temptations of the departing pastor which I wrote about last week (click here for the post), followed by a #11:
- Resentment.
- Becoming a sounding board for disaffected people and maybe even encouraging them to leave when you leave.
- Intentionally dropping hints to the effect that the big bad church board forced you to leave.
- Using your announcement of your resignation, along with lots of #2 and #3 above, to gain sympathy and support until the will of the church’s leaders is overturned and you are begged to remain in your position.
- Trying to hurt the church or its lay leaders by the things you say, “out in the community.”
- Intensifying a personal relationship which should be diminishing as you leave.
- Enjoying the flattery of predictions that the church is going to fold without you at the helm.
- Taking things with you as you leave that don’t belong to you.
- Leaving things behind that you assume will be of great value to your church.
- Misrepresenting the details of your departure to potential future employers.
Here’s one more (#11, if you’re counting):
Preaching a negative, scolding, farewell sermon or series of sermons.
Good-byes are difficult; awkward as all get out. Many of us leave our churches with mixed emotions. We’re overwhelmed with gratitude on one day and seething with resentment on the next. When we’re not taking it out on ourselves, we’re taking it out on our wives, our kids, or our dogs.
That last sermon or series of sermons can be seen as a test. Handling it poorly is easy; handling it well is a herculean challenge. The following are some suggestions which might be helpful. (And you may also want to see this post about ways to leave graciously)
(1) Have an honest, trusted friend, advisor, mentor or coach – and your wife – read over or hear what you’re going to say or write.
Self-deception is a formidable enemy; many of us are damaged by it.
It wasn’t. It would have been okay if I’d left out a sentence or two that not so subtly implicated a key church couple in our decision to depart. Years later I would apologize to the couple. Sadly, the denominational leader who knew of my upcoming resignation did not ask to see my resignation letter. If he had, I believe he would have advised against the offending phrases, and I would have heeded his counsel. Nevertheless, the fault remains mine, not his.
I had a pastor who had just had a difficult ending at the congregation he had founded tell me that God had told him to keep doing what he had been called to do: start a new church in that town (18,000 people). That was his way of saying that he was going to start a new church – it would be his third – in that city.
My point is that it is oh-so-easy to deceive ourselves. Others can see in us the questionable motives and decisions which we simply cannot see in ourselves. Ask them to look.
(2) This is definitely the wrong time to finally become assertive.
It’s possible that the resentment or bitterness you are experiencing now – because your church paid or treated you poorly – is a result, in part, of your own lack of assertiveness. You could have spoken up. You should have spoken up. You didn’t. Now you’re finally angry enough to actually say what you’ve been thinking for ten years.
Don’t do it. Instead, resolve to do better next time.
Adding to that I’d say
(3) Work through your resentment or bitterness alone with God before exposing it to man.
All strong emotions need to be “processed” with our ultimate Counselor, the Holy Spirit, and the incredible book he wrote. The Psalms and Proverbs particularly, are of inestimable worth in this long, careful, prayerful process.
In contrast, dumping truckloads of raw, unprocessed thoughts and feelings on your board members, staff members or, worst of all, your entire congregation, is something you’ll likely regret.
(4) This is probably not the time to become a great leader.
Your time is for this is simply over. It’s not that they never wanted your leadership – maybe they did and maybe they didn’t – but the time for you to encourage them to “take the hill” has come and gone. This is not because you weren’t a good leader; it’s because you began morphing from eagle to lame duck the moment you announced your resignation. Don’t take it personally. Even Moses had to say, “I can’t lead you anymore”(Exodus 31:2) and John the Baptist had to say, “He must increase but I must decrease” (John 3:30).
In connection with a pastoral search process, some churches will want to conduct – or better yet, have their interim pastor conduct – an exit interview. Ideally, this will occur at least several months after the end of your ministry. This is your God-given opportunity to ever-so-carefully, without malice, share insights that will help your former congregation as it moves forward (see Ephesians 4:25-32).
(5) Be careful about dramatic apologies or admissions in that final sermon.
Again, this may seem noble or spiritual, but more than likely it’s just premature. Wait a while – at least a year – and then share those thoughts with the current leaders first, before dumping them on a congregation which won’t know how to handle them.
(6) Don’t implicate individuals whom you should be talking to privately.
If there are individuals who wronged you to a Matthew 18 level, serious enough to not simply cover over their offenses with love (I Peter 4:8 with Proverbs 10:12), talk to them individually. Don’t name them from the pulpit or imply that there are villains out there and “They know who they are” or “You know who they are!”
(7) Be as gracious, positive and encouraging as you can be without outright dishonesty.
This is what you do at funerals, right? Enough said.
(8) Give the church your blessing.
I’ve never fully understood the Old Testament concept of the old patriarch handing out blessings on his death bed. If you understand it, teach me!
If they have special attributes, strengths, challenges, gifts and opportunities, they love to hear this celebrated by a departing pastor. If they have climbed to high mountains with the departing pastor, passed through deep waters with him, or both, they want to hear this recounted with laughter and tears. This is a powerful opportunity which the departing pastor usually gets only once.
At a church going-away party, a young couple approached me and told me that they would be getting married a few months after I was gone. I chatted and laughed with them but could sense that they were looking for more from me, so I asked them, “Was there something else you need from me tonight?” “We want your blessing,” they said, and I gladly gave it.
In your going away sermon or sermon series, if at all possible, give your people your blessing, not a scolding.
