I wish this post was a short one: “Two Temptations Of The Departing Pastor,” or something like that.
(1) Resentment. Just to clarify, bitterness results from refusing to forgive the bad things others have done to you. Resentment results from refusing to forget the good things others should have done to or for you. We can drive off in our U-Haul trucks resentful over poor treatment of ourselves or our families, disrespect, poor financial compensation, disappointing responses to our teaching and leadership, etc.
Resentment, like its ugly cousin bitterness, will kill you. Bring your resentment to Jesus and tell him all about it. Next time, be more assertive about telling the church what you’ll need in order to not be tempted with resentment.
(2) Becoming a sounding board for the disaffected and maybe even encouraging them to leave when you leave. This feels good of course. It massages our wounded pride. After all, who could ever preach like I can? Who could ever love the sheep like I did?
(3) Intentionally dropping hints to the effect that the big bad church board forced you to leave. Even if this is true, what is to be gained – for God’s Kingdom and glory – by spreading this around? If the lay leadership told you to resign or fired you, they should be telling the truth about this, but this isn’t your job, it’s theirs.
Your job is to trust the wondrous Providence of God and do right, always. If the church leadership lies about this and people straightforwardly ask you about it, tell them the truth, but as graciously as possible. And don’t sign a severance agreement that demands dishonesty or agree to make a deceitful resignation statement either.
(4) Using your announcement of your resignation, along with lots of #2 and #3 above, to gain sympathy and support until the will of the church’s leaders is overturned and you are begged to stay in your position. Don’t even think about doing this. Make a firm resignation with a specific date, be gracious to all and stick to your decision.
(5) Trying to hurt the church or its lay leaders by the things you say “out in the community.” They may be true or they may not be true, but again, your place to is to trust God and strengthen His Kingdom work. Let God deal with dysfunctional church leaders and troubled congregations. Punishing them is not in your job description.
(6) Intensifying a relationship which should be diminishing as you leave. Many a pastor with a good, healthy, relationship with a female church leader, employee or youth group member half his age, is tempted to continue or broaden or deepen that relationship after their day-to -day contact with this person has ended. Simple advice: Don’t encourage it and don’t do it. Keep those post-departure emails brief and to the point, even if she doesn’t.
(7) Enjoying the flattery of predictions that the church is going to fail or fold without you at the helm. In truth, this hardly ever happens. You are, as in I Corinthians 3, one variety of migrant worker in God’s harvest field, one subcontractor in God’s great building project, one priest out of a long line of those who have come and gone from the temple in Jerusalem. We are all interim pastors. There’s only one Great Shepherd and it’s not you (Hebrews 13:20).
(8) Taking things with you as you leave that don’t belong to you. This is a small matter, in a sense, in that we’re usually talking about staplers and markers and white boards (“Hey! I paid for that myself, so I should be able to take it!”). But it’s a big deal if the objects are a little more valuable, like laptops, tablets or desk chairs, or if church people view you as a thief! There’s a simple solution here: talk to the church board about what you’re taking and what you’re leaving behind. More than likely, they’ll be generous and gracious.
(9) Leaving things behind that you assume will be of great value to your church. I hate to be the one to say it, but in all likelihood, unless you’re a Superstar pastor, you’ll come back to visit the church in a few years and find no trace of yourself: Your sermons, lessons, projects, vision statements, slogans, curricula, pet sayings and, worst of all, your wisdom, will be gone and maybe even forgotten. I had a retired pastor tell me, “I can’t believe they haven’t called and asked for my advice!”
(10) Misrepresenting the details of your departure to potential future employers. It will dishonor God, and it will hurt you, in the long run, if you tell your next prospective congregation that you left on better terms than you actually did. Be gracious and kind, but tell the truth. Don’t let the pastoral search committee from Church Next find out that Church Last dismissed you when they phone the board member that you didn’t want them to talk to.
