- Don’t go away mad. Seek a trusted advisor and work through your anger issues. Resign because God is leading you to resign, not because your emotions are leading you to resign (Ephesians 4:25-31). If God is leading you to resign, don’t equivocate or expect to be talked into staying. Make it clear and firm and gracious.
- Don’t resign without consulting with a denominational leader (if you have one). They would like to help you through this process so that you can look back on it five years from now with gratitude, not shame.
- Leave before someone has to tell you to leave. If you’re leadership isn’t “working,” if you’re “spinning your wheels,” seek help. If things don’t turn around, move on, for the sake of God’s Kingdom. Leaving early enough means you can leave with a big celebration instead of a big scandal.
- Don’t fight your board. Of course the church is Jesus’ church (Acts 20:28), but from a human standpoint, it belongs to its members, not to you. In most evangelical churches, the board is the pastor’s boss. If the board wants you to leave, accept this as God’s plan. If they’re making a mistake, that’s on them, not on you. Don’t force a congregational vote of confidence or a vote to dismiss you. This will certainly hurt the people and the church which you have loved well for years.
- Accept any compensation, severance or gift that is offered with grace and gratitude. If the board asks you to sign a statement saying that you will not speak ill of the board or the church, sign it and keep your word.
- Do not gather those who are most loyal to you and start a new church on the other side of town. In rare instances, this might be justified. It usually isn’t and has everything to do with the pastor’s pride or anger and nothing to do with the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Any thoughts about this should be shared in depth with your denominational leaders.
- Write an “oh-so-gracious” resignation letter or preach an “oh-so-gracious” resignation sermon. This is not the time or place to take “pot shots” at anyone. Share your resignation letter or sermon plan with an outside advisor (1st) and your board (2nd) before it goes to your congregation. It is fine to leave your board with a list of carefully written thoughts about the condition of the church, unfinished projects, etc. They may choose to request an “exit interview” with you. If so, comply
- Encourage your board to meet with a staff member from your denomination ASAP. We would like to give them abundant hope and some good things to think about. We will likely encourage them to not prematurely organize a pastor search committee and to seek out a highly competent interim pastor to guide them through their pastoral transition.
- Don’t leave too quickly or too slowly. Four to eight weeks is about right. Work with your advisor and your board on this. Leaving too abruptly is jarring for the congregation. Sticking around too long is usually confusing for the congregation and painful for the pastor and his family. Within a few weeks you will be treated like a “lame duck.” This isn’t anyone’s fault, but it tells you that the church has moved on emotionally and it’s now time for you to move on physically.
- Expect unexpected emotions and reactions. The pastor and his wife usually have paternal and maternal (I Thessalonians 2) relationships with many church members. Ending this relationship wreaks emotional havoc. Pastors who viewed some of their church members as “good friends” will see angry or hurt reactions from some of these dear saints. Some will reject the pastor and his family as a self-protective measure. Others who were not viewed by the pastor as “friends” will surprise him with their warmth and generosity. Your long-term friends from this congregation may not be the ones you would have expected.
- Share your parameters and expectations with the congregation publicly. If you would love to see some of your members convert their pastor/parishioner relationships with you into true, reciprocal friendships, invite them to do so. If you feel strongly about returning or not returning to do weddings and funerals, say so. If you feel that all “friendly gestures” (an invitation to a meal together) should be initiated by your former church members, not by you, the departing pastor, say so clearly. If you’re not going to return to visit a Sunday service for at least one year, say so clearly. Generally speaking, leaving the community sooner, rather than later, is helpful.
- Become your successor’s biggest cheerleader. Let the people know that you are not going to listen to gossip about your successor. Say every positive thing about the board and your successor that you possibly can. If necessary, serve as a “conflict counselor” (not a mediator) who helps disgruntled church members to handle their discontent in godly ways.
- Don’t miss an opportunity to “bless” your people. Speak encouraging, empowering, grace-filled words to your people continually. These will be remembered forever.
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