Pastor abuse is a serious problem, but there’s nothing new about it.
Old Testament prophets – spokespersons for God – and even Old Testament-era Jewish kings, who were shepherds (“pastors,” in Latin) of God’s people, endured harsh treatment at the hands of those who should have respected them. Mocked, thrown in pits, beaten, stoned and sawn asunder, these men (mostly) could only look to Yahweh’s eventual vindication to keep them going.
New Testament-era shepherds of God’s people shouldn’t have to suffer such indignities of course. They are fellow priests with their people (I Peter 2:9), fellow members of one body of Christ (I Corinthians 12:13), fellow members of the family of God (I Peter 2:10, 3:8), and, ideally, co-leaders of their congregations with a team of fellow leaders (I Thessalonians 5:12).
But somehow, perhaps because they are the primary teachers and preachers in their congregations, charged with proclaiming the Word of God “in season and out of season” (II Timothy 4:2), teaching “the whole counsel” of God’s Word (Acts 20:27), and admonishing God’s people (I Thessalonians 5:12), pastors encounter resistance, rebellion, sarcasm and disrespect. It ought not to be; but it is.
I’m not so naïve as to think that I can fix this. But I want to get the discussion going and offer some positive, though challenging, assistance, with the following four suggestions:
(1) Don’t rely on outside experts, prophets and evangelists. The tribe that I was part of for nearly a decade did this. It’s true that traveling evangelists (with “an RV, ten sermons and ten suits,” as we used to say) are always up for shearing the shepherd’s sheep for him. The problem is that church members can see through this “hired gun” methodology, causing them to actually lose, rather than gain, respect for the pastor who deploys it. Here’s a better idea:
(2) Employ bold teaching. Having been a pastor for over thirty years, I know how hard it is for pastors to tackle subjects which can lead to accusations of self-promotion. I realize that many pastors don’t teach about Christian giving, others never touch the subject of submission to pastoral leadership and still others wouldn’t think of teaching their people to respect their leaders. I want to suggest that these pastors may mean well but are actually neglecting their duty.
Mistreating pastors (or other church leaders) is just plain sin. Pastors must speak out against sin and teach people how to obey everything that Jesus taught. Overcoming our fear is called boldness and we are calledto boldness. I know how it feels to preach with your knees shaking. (The value of those big old pulpits is that you can hang onto them for dear life.) But I have never regretted speaking out in love, deeply convicted by the truth of Scripture, with a boldness that sucked the air out of the room and left my dear wife wanting to hide under a pew. Never. It always went well and won me much needed respect.
If you think I’m suggesting that the abused pastor should tackle this subject from Scripture you’re right. That’s exactly what I’m saying. Teach it sooner rather than later; don’t wait until you’re under fire and angry. (If all else fails, teach it proactively in your next church.)
(3) Make respect for the church’s leaders a part of your new member and staff member/board member education. We all know that Americans in 2025 don’t know what it means to respect their leaders, period. Just as we can’t expect them to understand Christian sexual ethics, we can’t expect them to walk in the door with any sort of deference for the institution’s leaders. Mistrust, in fact, is likely to be the default attitude toward anyone who attempts to lead.
So, adapting to reality, as we must do in so many other areas, patiently teach your new attendees and your new leaders how to respect the church’s God-ordained pastors and teachers.
(4) Practice self-respect and hold others to a standard of respect for you as well. Here’s the hardest thing I need to write in this post: Some pastors are disrespected by others because they don’t respect their own dignity and authority and they don’t assertively insist that others respect them. I was raised by people who thought that assertiveness (not aggressiveness) was sinful pride. That is not true and it’s not healthy but it was the water we swam in.
Having learned my lessons well, I was guilty of under-assertiveness for decades. There were many times when I should have lovingly and carefully confronted people for treating me badly. I know now that if I had done so, most of them would have responded well…a little shocked perhaps…but well.
In fact, a distinct difference between good people with the bad habit of disrespect and not-so-good-people with a pervasive attitude of disrespect, is how they respond to godly confrontation. Good people will respond well to your assertiveness; the kind of people you don’t want in your church will only increase the level of their attacks on you when you lovingly confront them.
One more note: Churches in which pastor abuse is widespread and includes abuse from multiple, unsupportive, board members, don’t deserve good pastors.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:
- For the pastor: Describe the level to which you feel you are respected or disrespected by your congregation.
- For the others in the room: Are you shocked by what you just heard? Are there issues that need to be talked about right now?
- How far does your church go in patiently teaching godly respect to new converts, new members and new leaders? Is this material taught in Sunday sermons?
- Do those of you in this room need to learn godly and loving assertiveness? Do you tell each other the truth or do you respond to slights passively or passive-aggressively?
- Is your church board actively disseminating a culture of respect in your church family?
