What Can We Do About Our “Bad Pastor”?

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity.” Psalm 133:1

This is my sixth post in six weeks on the subject of “bad pastors.”  I’m putting the term in quotation marks because we’re dealing with a subject which is – admittedly – highly subjective. A “bad pastor” is a pastor which you, the church member, sees as being “bad,” and the designation of “bad” could potentially range from “not everything he should be” to downright terrible.

And I understand at a “been there; done that” level, that your idea of a bad pastor might be someone else’s idea of a wonderful pastor. So it’s possible that you simply need to change churches or your pastor needs to change churches.  As my friend Gus Bess has said, “It’s not a sin to change churches; it’s a sin to stay in your church with a bad attitude.” (I’ll return to this later).

Some of my readers who are pastors themselves are waiting for me to tackle the question of “Why did our good God send me to a bad church?” That’s a subjective concept too, but we’ll dive into that subject next week.

With that said, here are some suggestions. May God bless and guide you.

1. Pray fervently for your pastor, every day.

The Apostle Paul wrote at least one quarter of the New Testament.  He probably knew more about the Christian message and Christian theology than anybody on the planet, but consider these prayer requests he shared:

“Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words will be given me so that I may fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should.” Ephesians 6:19-20

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.” Colossians 4:2-4

Summarizing, Paul asks that the believers in the churches he was serving would pray for himself and his co-workers that God would give them (1) “words,” often called prayers for “utterance” – Spirit-given help to speak freely and powerfully, (2) boldness, which apparently, even the mighty Apostle to the Gentiles lacked at times,  (3) opportunities to proclaim the gospel to the lost, and (4) clarity of speech.

There’s much more you can pray for your pastor, of course, but these are a great place to start.  I would ask that if you are unhappy with your pastor – for any reason – that you would begin with heartfelt, daily, prayer for him.

2. Give your pastor the gift of patience.

I viewed my pastor-mentor as gifted, godly and wise but I met him when he was in his 50’s. His own description of his skills and maturity in his first pastorate was: “I was greener than grass!”

Most pastors in their first pastorates are just as green as my mentor was.  If you look carefully, you’ll also notice that they’re wet behind the ears as well. Some people describe them as being like overgrown puppies – young labrador retrievers – which jump all over people and break things wherever they go.

In my opinion, all pastors could benefit from having coaches or mentors and new pastors – whether they are in their first pastorate while in their twenties or in their sixties – should be required to have mentors and coaches (paid for by their churches).

Some pastors have the wisdom to realize that their Bible college or seminary didn’t teach them how to be pastors; most do not realize this until a few years after graduation

Here’s the flat-out truth: for most of us, pastoring a church is so difficult that we’re not ready to do it well until we’re too old to actually do it. Somehow we need the wisdom of the 70-something pastor downloaded into the 30-something pastor or the energy of the 30-something pastor uploaded into the 70-something pastor.

I am not exaggerating. Ask a few pastors about this if you think I am.

I could go on for many pages on this subject, but I have a few more suggestions to write about today, so let me simply beg and plead with you to be patient with your “bad” pastor, especially if he’s in his first pastorate.

Some of the most famous pastors you’ve heard on the airwaves had inauspicious first or second pastorates, just like most of us have. We simply don’t know what we’re doing yet, and our youthful hubris keeps us from seeing the truth until we’ve had some painful experiences.

3. Have a respectful, humble, kind, heart-to-heart talk with your “bad pastor.”

I’m not talking about chewing him out in a church hallway.

I’m not talking about talking down to him, comparing him to the foolishness of your grandchildren (even if he doesremind you of them).

I’m not talking about giving him threats, warnings, scolds or ultimatums, impugning his motives or denouncing his character.

Don’t call him “young man” even if he is one.

Don’t talk to him as if you’re his boss; you’re not.

If you’re talking about your own preferences or opinions, admit that you’re talking about your own preferences or opinions. We ALL have thousands of them. Most of them have little or nothing to do with anything that’s in the Bible. Watch out for the “shoulds” and “oughts” in your expressions of your opinions.

Don’t try to psychoanalyze him, even if you think that you have diagnosed his neurosis or mental illness accurately.

Don’t pretend to know how he uses his time or how much time he puts into his work, unless you do actually have an accurate record of this.

Don’t be afraid to ask him how, when and where he actually does his work for the church. He would probably be happy to share this with you.

By all means get ahold of a copy of his job description before you meet with him.  It’s okay to ask him hard questions about what’s in that document and how it compares to what he actually does. If he doesn’t have one, that’s on him.  He needs to get his act together and hammer one out with the church board – for his own protection. Without an up-to-date job description, 100 church members will have 100 different ideas about what the pastor should be doing.

Don’t scold him for not doing things that are important to you that are not listed in black and white in that document.  If you think that his priorities are all wrong – and those priorities are reflected in that job description – then your argument is not with your pastor at all; it’s with your board or other group to whom your pastor is accountable.

If you’re baffled by your pastor’s priorities and use of his time, ask him to explain why he does what he does. (In the long run, this will only help him.  You will sharpen his own understanding of his gifts and ministry style.)

Please sit down with him as one who is ready to listen, not just talk.  God gave you two ears and one mouth, to be used in that proportion. If you respectfully ask all your questions, you may learn a great deal about who your pastor is and why he does what he does.

If you handle this well, your “bad” pastor may thank God for you – even if it takes a few years (or decades) for him to realize how helpful you actually were. I have learned – and am still learning – invaluable lessons from my critics.

4. If your bad pastor won’t meet with you or responds to your gracious entreaties with a decidedly ungracious response, bring your concerns to a trusted board or council member, or in some denominations, a denominational leader.

Do not, I repeat, do not do this first. Treat your pastor with the respect with which you would want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). That means that you meet with him, one-on-one, before you say anything to anyone about him (Matthew 18:15ff, Galatians 6:1, Ephesians 4:15).

If you feel that you have to talk to someone about your pastor’s faults, make it with your discreet spouse (if you have a discreet spouse) or your best friend who is a very discreet and mature missionary to Botswana.  I’m serious about this. Talking to your best friend in the church will likely only make things worse.

Don’t be a gossip – a gossip shares information of a negative nature which the hearer does not need to hear.

Don’t start a petition, either written or invisible, as in “Twenty people agree with me; they just don’t have the courage to give their names”.

Don’t speak out against your pastor at a congregational meeting. Scripture is replete with examples which show us what God thinks of this kind of thing.

If the individual board member you meet with wants you to talk with the entire board, by all means do so, with great grace and care, speaking only for yourself; not purporting to speak for others.

If you still feel that your pastor is a “bad” pastor, and that you’re church’s non-vocational leaders are not responding to your concerns, you may be able to take your concerns to a denominational leader.

If this, also, fails to lead to changes in the character or work habits of your pastor, it will be best for all if you find a different church, as opposed to creating disharmony in your church family. If someone is going to “raise a ruckus,” make sure that that someone isn’t you. You don’t need that on your conscience and, in all likelihood, God has not called you to “fix” your congregation.

So we’ll end with those wise words from my wise friend, one more time:

“It’s not a sin to change churches; it’s a sin to stay in your church with a bad attitude.”  Gus Bess

And pardon the advertisement, but my book, Thriving In A Troubled Church, was written for believers who want to do right in a church “gone wrong.”  You might find it very helpful.