Your Seniors Are Frustrated, But You Can Help Them

Everywhere I go I meet older church members who are seriously frustrated with their churches.

Since becoming a senior myself, I think I’m learning to understand them.

These are mostly very good people.  Some of them, in fact, are great people.  Some of them are amazing people.  Those of us who are younger than they are, and frustrated with their frustration, need to listen, learn, and be helpful.

I think this post might help you to help them.

What They Are Saying:

“Seniors used to be respected; now we’re despised.”

What They Are Thinking And Feeling:

Seniors remember the way older people were treated when they were young.  It was never perfect, of course, but to a great extent, the Biblical ethic of honoring the aged prevailed. Children were told (if not taught, at least they were told) to honor their parents and especially, their grandparents and others who were their grandparent’s age.

What has happened here?

A massive shift has occurred.  I don’t pretend to have grasped all the dynamics of this, but I definitely understand two aspects of it:

•  The Baby Boom generation simply overpowered their elders. The numbers of those born between 1946 and 1964 were so overwhelming, that the older generations had to get out of the way to make room for them. Suddenly it was cool and smart to be young.  Those who “think young” are part of the “Pepsi generation.”  In the 1990s I presented a seminar in my church designed to convince the older generations to adapt the church to the boomers.  Those boomers, me included, have now become the older generation, frustrated by the demands of our children and grandchildren.  To a certain extent, we’ve reaped what we sowed.
• The mob of boomers brought with them the Secular-Humanist world view, overpowering and replacing the dying advocates of the Judeo-Christian world view.  It goes without saying that the Secular-Humanist world view¹ does not value seniors, viewing them mostly as “useless eaters,” who waste resources and needlessly pollute the environment.

How You Can Help:

(1) Understand how seniors feel. That’s all that most of us want: understanding. Listen to them until you “get it.”

(2) Respect them. Stand when they enter the room. Honor them (to honor means “to treat as very special”).

(3) When you’re carefully considering the needs and wishes of the younger generations and their children, remember to consider the opinions, needs and desires of seniors as well. Some of my favorite churches, all of which are deliberately intergenerational, literally have one or two songs every week targeting each of several generations. Better yet, sometimes the worship team itself spans several generations.

What They Are Saying:

“Change is occurring so fast.  Most of it is bad.  Churches shouldn’t change.”

What They Are Thinking And Feeling:

Most of us don’t like change, except for the change which we ourselves implement.  Having stepped back from positions of leadership – for some very good reasons – most seniors aren’t making the changes; they are being asked to passively accept them.

Children live in a world – or at least they used to – in which they are surrounded by adults, all of whom are constantly telling them what to do. Seniors experienced this dramatically when they were children; now they’re back to being treated like children again.

What Has Happened Here?

The world has always changed, but as you know, things are changing today at a breathtaking pace. Much of it really is bad.  It’s easy to think that it’s all bad, especially when the changes weren’t your idea.

In a world where everything seems to be up for grabs, seniors – understandably – long for one place in their lives where nothing changes. Many feel that since God doesn’t change, the church should be that unchanging place.

How You Can Help:

(1) Remind seniors – respectfully – of all the good changes which have occurred.  Better yet: Ask good discussion questions like, “How has the world changed for the better since we were young?”  Does anybody want to re-visit 1950s dental care?  Does anyone want to live in the poorly heated, non-air-conditioned homes of their childhood? Cars cost a fortune these days, but they’re incredibly luxurious and they last for 200,000 miles.  When was the last time you replaced a muffler?

(2) Respectfully help seniors to understand that the church has always had to change in order to fulfill its God-given mission of making disciples.  The Book of Acts tells the story of the first 30 years of the church’s existence and it’s a story of change from start to finish.

(3) Assure them – and demonstrate to them – that you are not changing your church’s theology or compromising its strong stand on the Gospel of grace and the Word of God.  They are not immediately hostile when you start “tinkering” with their church – which they worked so hard to build – but they are fearful, and fear leads us to do some out-of-character things.

Next Week – and probably the next – more actual statements from frustrated seniors and how you can help them, for God’s glory.

¹If you’ve not read the Humanist Manifestos, Google them or simply click on: https://americanhumanist.org/what-is-humanism/manifesto1/