We All Need A Monitoring Pilot

I’ve mentioned before that my wife and I are fans of airline disaster podcasts, particularly, the Mentour Pilot, Petter Hornfeldt.  Petter’s great stories have frequently highlighted the importance of the monitoring pilot.

Before they get into the cockpit, the commercial airliner’s captain and co-captain make a decision regarding which one of them, on this particular flight, is going to serve as the “pilot flying” and which is going to play the role of the “pilot monitoring.” The captain is just as likely to serve as the pilot monitoring (hereafter: monitoring pilot) as is the first officer.

The monitoring pilot’s important role is to watch everything the pilot does carefully and to speak up respectfully – especially if he or she is not the captain – but honestly, and in a timely manner, if he or she suspects that the pilot is missing something important.

In many airline disasters the monitoring pilot is too sheepish or insecure to speak up, even ever-so-politely and humbly, when the pilot – who is usually the captain in these scenarios – is making a serious mistake.

Getting this back on the ground and into our churches, here’s what I see, over and over again, and the results can be as catastrophic in the boardroom as they are in the cockpit:

1. We need a monitoring pilot – a fellow church member who loves us – to confront us about our sin problems. This is familiar territory for many of us, so I’ll review this briefly:

• In Matthew 18:15-20, Jesus admonishes us to talk, one-on-one (initially, at least) in love, with church members who have serious sin in their lives.
• In Galatians 6:1-5, the Apostle Paul urges us to talk, again, one-on-one, with the fellow believer who is “caught in a sin.” To most of us today this sounds like an addiction problem.
• In Matthew 5:23-26, Romans 12:18 and Ephesians 4:3 we are encouraged to have so much concern for unity within our churches that we lovingly go to any brother or sister who seems to be estranged from us, in a heartfelt effort to mend the rift.

Brian’s comment: In too many churches hardly any of this hardly ever happens. Is it any wonder that we have so many sin, addiction and disunity issues?

2. We need a monitoring pilot to graciously point out our flaws, faults, bad habits and shortcomings. I believe that this challenging responsibility is implied by my “standby” counseling chapter, Ephesians 4. In vs. 15 we are told to “speak the truth in love” to help each other grow up in Christ. The climax of this great chapter, vss. 25-32, talks about speaking truthfully to each other, because we are members of one body. When we talk to our brethren about their “rough edges” (see Proverbs 27:17), we are to do so wholly for their benefit and never to cause hurt or “get something off our chests.”

I look back with gratitude for the fellow students, pastors, elders, church members, family members, and especially, my dear wife, for all the rough edges they have lovingly sought to carve off of me over the years! The pastor who allows others to perform this loving “grind job” has the opportunity to grow into a real gem. The pastor who defensively fights off those who try to help him will remain as rough-edged at 65 as he was at 25.

3. We need a monitoring pilot to graciously and humbly warn us when we are on the brink of a serious ministry mistake.

• I thank God for giving me the grace and courage – for there is sometimes a serious price to be paid for doing this – to warn older pastors or other leaders about what I felt to be foolish and harmful decisions. I did this really well…a couple of times.
• I’m ashamed to say that there were times when I should have done this but, in my cowardice – didn’t do so: like the time I should have told a pastor to stop fighting with the church board and resign, or the time I should have confronted a pastor about making a dictatorial ministry decision, but was too “respectful” to say what needed to be said.
• I thank God for others who warned me about my own premature or potentially disastrous proposals. Sometimes I heeded the warnings; sometimes I didn’t. Either way, these brothers and sisters did the right thing to speak up.
• I wrote about the need to hold the highly successful pastor as accountable as any other church leader in a post called, The All-Important Partiality Clause.

4. We need gracious and humble monitoring pilots in the boardroom to speak truthfully, even when their viewpoints are unpopular. I have worked with more than one church in which board members decided to “go along to get along” instead of saying what they really thought about a pending decision.

Compounding the problem, the same individuals did share what they really thought, after the meeting was over, outside the boardroom, behind the pastor’s back!

I know how hard this can be, especially if close friendships or family relationships are involved, but we simply must speak the truth in love in the boardroom.

5. We need gracious and humble monitoring pilots in the congregation to share their concerns privately with the pastor or board when the congregation, as a whole, is making a serious mistake. You’ll notice that I again said “gracious and humble” and I also used the word “privately.” But there are instances when this needs to happen:

• The congregation is rejecting an individual (not a sin, but an individual) whom it ought to love and accept.
• A congregation is moving decisively away from adherence to the Scriptures.
• A congregation is about to call or install a new leader regarding whom a church member has serious concerns.

We never need gossip or clandestine efforts to wrest the leadership of the church from its rightful officers, but there are times when godly individuals need to share their concerns, discreetly, with the church’s pastor or board.

The common denominator in all of these situations? Speaking the truth in love on the part of the “pilot monitoring” and hearing hearts with humility on the part of the “pilot flying.”

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:

1. If you, as a church leader, are willing to “hear hearts with humility” (as above) tell a story of when you were confronted with the truth and responded well.
2. If you, as a church leader, were unwilling to listen to a “pilot monitoring” with grace and humility, can you share this story with the group?
3. How can we promote a healthy culture of speaking and listening, in truth and love, in our congregation?