The Importance Of Love In Leadership

In secular society, the words “leadership” and “love” are not usually found in the same sentence, unless someone is telling you that “they love to do leadership.”  But Christian leadership is different.

It’s different in its purpose, as Christian leaders lead for the glory of God and the good of their followers. The servant leader doesn’t follow the job description of a servant, he follows the job description of a leader, with the heart, the selflessness, of a servant.

It’s also different in its style, its methodology, its “MO.” Christian leaders know that they are leading with the fragile bonds of love rather than strong cords of constraint, salaries or negative consequences. Forget about carrots and sticks; if you would lead them, you must love them.

One of my worst days in Christian ministry was the Sunday morning when precocious fifth grade Sunday School student Scotty looked me in the eye and asked, “You don’t like us do you?”

One of my other worst days in Christian ministry was the afternoon when church member Sarah looked me in the eye and screamed, “Maybe you do love your church members, but you need to learn how to show it!”

Sarah was right. It’s not enough to love them. You must love them in ways that communicate that love to them.

I finally began to learn this when were struggling to raise our toddler son. My wife was afraid that our beloved firstborn was the antichrist. I wish I was kidding; I’m not. With the help of a couple of consoling books, however, we discovered that he wasn’t the antichrist, he was just an extremely strong-willed, difficult child.

Ross Campbell’s wonderful book, How To Really Love Your Child led to a breakthrough. Campbell said that it’s not enough to love your kids unconditionally. You must love them unconditionally and you must communicate that love to them. It’s communicated love that counts. Communicated love forms the bridge over which your beliefs and values can flow to your children.

Campbell said that you communicate your love to your child in three ways: focused attention, eye contact and physical contact. Simple. And it was a huge help to us.

Years later, I discovered that the same formula (with the caveat that we have to be very careful about physical contact, of course) pretty much works with the adults we would like to lead as well.

First we have to actually love them. You can fool some of the people some of the time but you’ll never fool all of the people all of the time.

After downloading the love of God for them, you have to show it with focused attention, eye contact and physical contact. They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Bill Hybels’ deservedly famous article about Ten Different Leadership Styles identifies somebody who specializes in leading by loving. He calls this person “The Shepherding Leader.” I don’t think that I am one, but some of my favorite people fit the description well. They love people so well that the recipients of this love can’t wait to hear where their leader wants them to go.

Let me add just a couple of thoughts to Ross Campbell’s formula.

Besides focused attention, eye contact and physical contact, I’ve learned that liking people (not just loving them), forgiving people (which means you have to wait until they hurt you) and working hard, side by side with people, are all powerful ways to communicate your love – God’s love, actually – to the people whom God wants you to lead.