Seven Ways To Recover From A BIG HIT

Very few of us get through our lives without, at some point, taking a BIG HIT.

I mean, like getting fired from a job.

Or fired from a marriage.

Or excluded from your immediate or extended family.

Or voted off the island, or something that feels like you’ve been voted off the island.

For most of us, it’s devastating, at least for a while.

I’m interested, and I think your heavenly Father is interested, in getting us recovered, back in the game, back on the front lines, as soon as possible.

If you’re a warrior in the war between the kingdoms of light and darkness, we need you back.

People need you. This weary world needs you. God wants to get you patched up and grown and stretched and deepened and broadened and softened and strengthened, as God intended.

At the risk of sounding simplistic, because, of course, this isn’t simple, I’m going to give you seven ways to get back in the game. They’re not quick and easy; this is no Formula One pit stop. I know that, but I think this will be helpful if you take it to heart.

Believe me when I say that I’ve experienced this and I’ve listened to many others who have experienced this as well. At one point God gave me a four-year hiatus from pastoral ministry, patiently restoring my heart, in part, through a successful parachurch ministry, while my love of preaching and pastoring returned.

God was oh-so-patient with me, but I do wish I had known then what I know now about recovering from BIG HITS.

1. Start with forgiveness.

You knew I’d say this, of course. I’m not suggesting that there is some magical formula whereby we say to God, “Father, I’m forgiving this guy who shafted me severely,” and then you no longer have any nasty feelings toward this person ever.

That would be sweet, of course, but it’s probably only possible if you’re on your death bed and are delivered from this body of death, with all the emotional turmoil that comes with it, within a couple of minutes of mouthing the words.

In reality, as I understand it, forgiveness means that I turn over an individual’s moral debt that he owes me to the one who is far better able than I am to deal with this person appropriately. I walk into God’s office with the bulging file folder that I have on So and So and I hand it to the One behind the desk. I ask Him to take care of it and He promises that He will.

Then I walk out of God’s office and move on with my life, knowing that God will chasten this person if he needs it, change him if he requires it, kill him if justice demands it, or do nothing but bless him if I’m completely “off” in my understanding of the situation.

Of course I’m going to sneak back into God’s office from time to time, dig that old file folder out of the file cabinet, and start rummaging around in it all over again…and that will be my sin. Sooner or later I’ll confess my sin, receive my forgiveness and move on.

This opportunity for forgiving others is something which the unbeliever finds it almost impossible to do, because, in his world, there is no God and no office and – in the end – no justice. But we know better.

2. Submit your will to the Sovereign Providence of God.

Minimally, God allowed this thing to happen. He could have stopped it. He could, in fact, have  wiped out your tormentor as he was in the act of delivering the BIG HIT.

The fact that He didn’t do this means that He had some good purpose (Romans 8:28) in allowing it to happen.  That’s “good” as in good for His glory, good for His purposes, and good for your sanctification, not “good,” as in frozen custard or pizza or fried chicken.

Submitting your will to the Sovereign Providence of God means that God is your ultimate “enemy,” at least in the sense that He is the One responsible for the pain you’re feeling right now.

3. Embrace God’s loving, sanctifying, Great Commission-fulfilling purpose in your BIG HIT.

If it’s truly big, as in really painful, this experience is going to go down in God’s story of your life as an important event: something that will change you significantly, for good. You’re going to remember this thing like you remember heart surgery, or a battle with cancer or a divorce. If you work with God in this, if you look to Him to pour grace into your life in a quantity which is equal to the pain, you will be left with a scar or a limp which will remain with you for life – or maybe even eternity – like the scars in Jesus’ hands.

Somebody said that “those whom God would greatly use He must deeply wound.” The depth of the pain itself can be seen as the measure to which you’re going to be grown by God’s own love. God would not have allowed this to happen if there had been any other way in which He could have changed you in His intended way.

4. Admit to the role of pride in your pain.

Looking back to a BIG HIT I took a few years back, I have to admit that I suffered as much pain from my own pride as from any other source. I realized, walking and talking with God in the woods near my home, that a humbler man would have experienced my loss as a much smaller hit. “How could they do this to ME?” I fumed (while rehearsing my credentials).

But when I think of what I actually deserve, the humiliation of the great white throne and immersion in the lake of fire, what was done to me was not a big deal.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit…” Jesus said. The meek and humble (Matthew 11:28-30) experience His soul rest. The Shakers added that “’tis a gift to come down to where we ought to be.” Exactly.

5. Be open to the possibility that some of the fault in your situation lies with you.

At 35 years old, I resigned from the pastorate of a church in what I thought was a gracious, blameless, manner. It took me about five years to realize that I could have done my departure in a much more godly, grownup way.

Having messed up in many ways since then, I no longer need so much time to see my fault in my relationship problems.

I’m not suggesting that you need to automatically start beating up on yourself when someone treats you badly; just be open to the possibility of God showing you, in His own time and manner, how you could have handled things better.  Then, with this humility…

6. Try to separate the pain of the BIG HIT from the motives of your attackers.

It’s true that some BIG HITS are delivered by people who really do want to hurt us, but this is comparatively rare in the Christian world.

But is it not also true that at times in your life you have wanted to hurt others – or you have even actually hurt them?  Is it possible that if you had had the chance to deliver a painful blow to your adversary immediately after your BIG HIT that you would have done so, at least if you knew that you wouldn’t be caught?

And is it possible that, having left this individual’s file folder of offenses on God’s desk, that you found yourself hoping that God would deal with him/her quickly and severely?

And isn’t it sin on your part to keep going into God’s office – after delivering to him the file folder – and rummaging around in it, day after day after day?

And is not likely that, in truth, the individual (or individuals or the organization) which hurt you probably didn’t intend for this to be the result?  Is it not possible that you yourself, at some point in the past, did something very similar to someone else? In all likelihood, your own sin was that of foolishness or thoughtlessness rather than malice, and so it is with the one who has hurt you.

7. Finally, begin looking for God’s gracious plan for your restoration.

I mentioned earlier that God gave me a very different ministry for a few years. It wasn’t a lifetime calling for me, but I was used by God and He used in powerfully to restore my soul (as in Psalm 23).

God’s plan for your restoration could be just about anything: a detour back into the secular workforce, a lot of time out in nature, a lot of time with your children or grandchildren, some serious time at home with kids while your spouse earns the paycheck, an easier, less stressful position in a larger church, a move to the other side of the country, a big, blessed study or book writing project, a return for some added formal education, or any number of other ways in which God will pour out His love into you hurting heart.

……………………………………

This hasn’t been an easy post to write, and I’m sure that for some of you, it hasn’t been an easy post to read. But my goal is your recovery, so I’ve not withheld anything which I thought might be helpful. As always, I’d be happy to listen to, talk with and pray with any of you. Feel free to contact me at churchwhisperer@gmail.com to set something up.